Listen First, Then Respond

If only someone would listen to me! Look, I will sign my name to my defense. Job 31:35

Most of us share our ideas much too soon. We talk before we have really listened. In fact, one research project found that the average person will listen only seventeen seconds before interrupting.

The book of Job gives many illustrations of poor listening. As Job suffered with physical illness, grief, and loss of material things, he steadfastly maintained his good standing before God. But his “friends” brushed him off and stated insistently that he must have committed some great sin for God to allow him to suffer so much. Finally, after pages of speeches, Job gets fed up. We can hear his frustration in his words: “If only someone would listen to me!”

A good listener will never share his ideas until he is sure that he understands what the other person is saying. In marriage, this is extremely important. Ask questions, repeat what you think your spouse is saying, and ask, “Am I understanding you?” When your spouse says, “Yes, I think you understand what I’m saying and how I feel,” then and only then are you ready to move on. You might say, “I really appreciate your being open with me. Now that I understand where you’re coming from, may I share what I was thinking when I did that? I realize now that what I said was hurtful, but I want you to understand that I was not trying to hurt you.” At this point, your spouse will hear your perspective, because you have first taken the time to really hear what he or she was saying.

PRAYER
Lord, I want to be a good and thoughtful listener. Let me not frustrate my spouse by expressing my opinions too soon and too strongly. Please give me ears to listen well.