Wise Listening

If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. Proverbs 15:31-32

For thirty years, I’ve been counseling couples and leading marriage-enrichment seminars. I’ve never met a couple who didn’t have conflicts. I’ve met some who knew how to resolve conflicts, and I’ve met many who allowed conflicts to destroy their marriage.

In yesterday’s devotion, I shared the idea of setting aside time each week for a “conflict resolution session.” When you sit down to discuss a conflict, take turns talking. Start with five minutes each. You can have as many turns as needed, but don’t interrupt each other with your own ideas. Wait for your turn. According to King Solomon, listening to others—particularly if they have constructive criticism to share with us—makes us wise. When we listen to our spouse, especially in the midst of conflict, we will gain more understanding of ourselves and each other.

You may ask questions to help you understand what your spouse is saying. For example, “Are you saying that you feel disappointed when I play golf on Saturday instead of spending time with you and the children? Are you saying that you would prefer that I not play golf at all?”

After listening, you then have your turn to talk. In this example, you might explain how important golf is to your mental health. Then together you can look for a solution that both of you agree is workable. Listening and seeking to understand each other is crucial in resolving conflicts.

PRAYER
Father, I want to be wise. Please help me to respond the right way when my spouse tells me something I don’t necessarily want to hear. Help me to think about what is best for our relationship, not just about my own needs.